God is LOVE <3

confusing~
Posted 6:42 PM | Wednesday, August 03, 2005

i managed to get abel to stop likin me..n i won e bet wif dee.. haha..he was one of those who treated me well..but this is e way i treated him..am i worst than a beast?i dunno wad im doin..i guess he was right..i still liked "him"..y am i still likin him despite e way he treats me?am i really crazy?..there are really mixed emotions in me now..abel is right..as long asa e person is happy,we should let them go..but y am i soooooooooooo not able to do tt..memories of wad a gr8 frenship i had wif "him" are still vividly replayin over n over again in my mind.. i told myself over n over again.."shu ning,jus stop likin him..there is no pt..nth u do can change his attitude towards u."but everytime i jus fall into "his" trap again..
wad exactly issit tt i wan?..i treat those who treat me nicely like SHIT but hold on to hopes of someone who treats me like SHIT..wad a contradiction..i really dunno wad im doin..when can i break free frm this web...m i out to break all my frenships?why issit all e ppl who were my best frens r slowly becomin strangers..y m i torturin myself when life cud haf been simpler..y cant i wake up frm this nightmare n find tt its all but a bad dream n when i wake up,everything is wad it used to be..but its impossible..

dear lord
i pray tt u will help mi make e right choice
to be able to distinguish btw right n wrong
i pray tt u will gif me e clarity of mind as i study
i pray tt i will noe u better each day
i pray tt i will haf faith even when i dun see it..
even when i dun believe it..
all this i pray in Jesus' name
Amen