probably it was a one-sided thing on my side that i treated you guys as my sb. when i was s well, we shared our burdens and our struggles. but when ive fallen, i feel like u guys are getting further and further away. not sharing your struggles with me, prob in your pt of view is bcos im struggling too and u dun wanna add on to my burdens. but to me, it feels like im being outcast of your lives bcos ive fallen. so when ive fallen,we're no longer sb? i feel like u guys are looking down on me as u guys are now s better.
to B: thanks for being so concerned and sorry if ive been busy and kinda avoiding u.
to M: i can sense your impatience when u talk to me. and prob fustration when we cant communicate the pt across well. i know you feel irritated. and are u really sure ure trying to pull me along? have u taken e initiative to ask me to meet up and talk? i feel like i cant be honest with u anymore. i really cant. uve become someone im really afraid of approaching. really afraid.
really disappointed in ppl. in myself too. i really want to relook the meaning of sb. bcos i realise i dun fully understand the meaning of sb. the joy in my heart is gone. stupid me,why am i crying even as i write this?
dear G, im hanging on bcos of you. even though the thread is getting thinner and thinner by the day.
thanks to those who really care:) you know who u all are.
Posted 12:10 AM | Friday, February 19, 2010
im becoming the old me. how am i living my life now? a life without God seriously sucks. but why am i not doing anything to put it back on track. i really want to i really do. but talk is cheap. :(:(
Posted 1:53 AM | Tuesday, January 05, 2010
im in a i-want-to-blog mood. so much so that as i lay on my bed and am abt to slp, i decided to turn on my laptop to blog. and its 2+am!!!!!
there are groups of ppl i want to thank even as i look back at 2009 and go forward into 2010..
even though you guys may be in NUS,u nv fail to check up on me. i feel so loved and doted upon. everytime u all call me xiaomei,it puts a smile on my face...
DAJIE,though it seems like on the surface we are not close to one another but ure the one i share everything with.ure the one i can talk abt everything under the sun with. ure the one whom i know i can connect with and just pour out my worries to. i remember the bus ride from esplanade.i remember the late night calls:):)
ERJIE, ure the one whom i can connect with,remember the taboo game we played how well we knew each other.its the late night stayovers and the HTHT that i miss:) u were there when i fell and u were there to pick me up :):)
KORKOR, ure the one who always smses me and msn me askin me how im doin ure the one who really really dotes on me like im your own sister. and everytime u go "xiaomei", i know that u will always be there to watch out for me.though you always talk nonsense, but u have a heart that truly cares :):)
i remember how it got to the 4 of us.dajie,erjie,korkor and me.and i marvel at how this closeness btw us developed.arguments are soon settled.bcos of one thing we have in common.one thing that will nv fade.and that is God's love. whatever happens, we know we have each other's back and we know that we will nv let go of each other.bcos God loves us and we love God:):)
next group,JACQ AND ELI
yes, you guys make me smile from inside out. elisha and his stupid jokes,jacq w her cute antics:) 8yrs(eli) and 6yrs(jacq) of friendship and still counting. its not easy but we got thru it. disagreements happen but we solved it. i really look back at how close we have become and i really thank God for it. i really really enjoy your company and i loved that late night stayover at my house. you guys are really the closest closest friends i have ever had. so much so that i felt so comfortable and i bet u guys too when u guys stayed over. being there for me and always by my side when im feeling down. we know each other's story inside out. and we know each other inside out. i love the HTHT:D:D i hope this friendship lasts forever and ever and ever. love love<3 my closest friends.
life in uni will never be the same without them. THE LIL ZOO:D
the random meetings.the events that we go for tgt.the laughter u all bring.the stayover and dinner/lunch@elva's.the smile that you bring to my face:D:D uni life will never be the same.its bcos of u guys that this UB life is filled with so much more colours.we know that we will always have each other's back. even thru the things that are happening in each other's lives.we are there for each other.
we all make up the zoo and the zoo will not be the same without anyone of us. we're here for one another.here's to many more days spent with u guys.and many more yrs of friendship.and the meetups even when we're married and have kids. :D:D
and...YES. my spiritual buddy... BENJAMIN TAY BINMING
i remember the bus ride when u first entered UB. that was when we got to know each other better. fighting for God even while studying in UB. everytime i feel like giving up,its you who tells me not to. bcos we're fighting this battle tgt. CHARGE ON BUFFALO!!! i know ive been very disobedient recently but dun worry,i will be back on my feet with God. i will.bcos we're all in this race and whoever slows down is a tortoise. i dont wanna be a tortoise. thanks for being there during the toughest times. and im glad i helped u thru yours too. ive seen how uve helped liyin and christina settle in UB. and the secrets that we share. you are always so full of nonsense. BUT...full of passion for God too. really really full of passion. ure the one who knows me best.scolding me when i turn away frm God. teaching me the right things to do. i wanna be in this tgt with u,liyin,christina and jonlim. and who knows,one day we might have a UB community in HOPE:):) lets make that happen. lets run this race tgt.and i mean tgt.no one gets left behind. thanks best friend. thank you. this almost one yr of friendship and counting. spiritual buddies til the endddd. (heh heh heh..i really hope u marry *ahem*) lets charge onnnnnnn fellow buffalo....
and how can i ever forget this someone special in my life. THE LOVE OF MY LIFE someone who is there with me thru the darkest days of my life. someone who never lets me go no matter how bad ive been. someone who loves me but wants nth in return. someone who loves me so much that he sent His one and only Son to die on the cross. he is none other than GOD:):) the one who holds my future. the one who decides my future and the one who is there for me whether rain or shine. no matter what happens He is the One who hears my cries in the middle of the night. He is the One who makes this life worth living. He is the One who forgives all sins. He is the One who is above all things. .... He is the one who can fill this emptiness in my heart. the God-shaped hole that only He can fill. ... how foolish i have been to run away from Him. and now i really wanna run back to Him. and say.. God,im sorry,will you take control of my life again???
i thank God for 2009. and i know that 2010 will be a great yr ahead. bcos God has so many plans for me.
i thank God for the ppl in my life.. my family. those mentioned above. and not forgetting... stella val loo jassy shepherdy liyi my cg members my unit members.
I LOVE YOU ALLL:D:D:D 2010.here i come!!!!!:) God,i pray you'll provide a miracle
Posted 11:26 PM | Monday, November 16, 2009
probably my spiritual buddies are not my spiritual buddies after all. or it was just wishful thinking on my own part. its a rat race tt we are involved in,each caught up w our own lives tt simple things go unanswered. i guess no one can help me unless i wanna stand up again.
Posted 9:45 PM | Wednesday, November 04, 2009
bentay seriously has nth better to do He copied a pic of Mr Liew Sing Loon who is also teaching at SMU. and put it as his dp. i think he has a secret crush on him
Posted 8:55 PM |
im hanging by the thread YET AGAIN
there is an exam almost every week. its too much to bear. Help me, God. help me to walk thru this with u. even im struggling,ive lost the passion. why do i feel like everybody is way ahead of the race and im still lagging behind. days go by, studying studying studying. this is the lowest valley i have ever been thru. why cant i seem to pull myself up again. oh God,ive lost the passion. im not being that salt and light you want me to be (at times)
help me to find that passion. help me to climb back up on my feet. no, i wont just let go like that.
oh God,i pray that u will protect Li Ning as she enjoys herself in Cameron Highlands. bring her back safely.
Posted 11:20 PM | Friday, October 23, 2009
i really enjoyed myself ytd:) the laughter the joy. thanks guysssss. LOVES <3
HAHA. silly speed dating for rebec's social psych project met a new friend (jae's fren) went to eat with wai,jae,eileen,sumin(jae's fren) then helped an old lady who was visually impaired cross from red line on e mrt to paya lebar's control station. met friends on e way too
chatted with the old lady all e way. really enjoyed talkin to her. and she invited me to her exhibition when we parted ways. shes a cultural medallion winner. my daddy says it is an honour only given by the president. that means she must be really pro. GOSH.
one thing that really struck me was when she said i was like an angel. it reminded me of how God can use such a simple person like me to do sth so great. and how He used me to make a difference to that old lady. He also reminded me of not taking things for granted. like our eyes.
and i really enjoyed myself with my frens:) where all e pretense is stripped away.
went to IKEA just now.... so many children there:) it just puts a smile on my face.......... :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
NING'S A HAPPY GIRLLLLLLLLL :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Posted 10:07 AM | Friday, September 25, 2009
Connie Talbot. wow.she really has a voice of an angel. shes only 7!!!!! can u believe it? what were we doing when we were 7 years old?
getting ready for primary 1? still in the im-still-a-kid mood? BUT this girl,shes a singer,touching everybody's hearts as she sings. the innocence of a child. shes great.
her mum must be proud of her.
-all of you out there. to be happy(:
-to impact people around me with whatever little i have
-new camera case(SONY LCS-CSVA/P)
-sing songs and record in a cd.